I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
