You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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