Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My penis needs a shock collar
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
