is your mom at the bar?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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