Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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