I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
