It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
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