Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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