so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
