Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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