I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
