there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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