there was a trapeze. enough said
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
