He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
