i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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