dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
