I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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