We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
