Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
