It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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