Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
