You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
