my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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