This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
