I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
