she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
