My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
