Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
