Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize