The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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