I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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