My nipple is on Facebook.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
