Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
our cab driver is having phone sex.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
