I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yo dont text me then not text me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
