pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You left your underwear on the fireplace
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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