The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
