Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
