He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
