Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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