Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
