So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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