Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
