Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize