So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
