awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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