One girl and one boy is just not enough.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She needs sedatives and a leash
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
