saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
