Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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