There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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