i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize