apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
