Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
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