I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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