Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
