So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just want to make out with him forever
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
