Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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