talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
