We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
