just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize