he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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