i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
