Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
