I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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